I've been really needing to get this off my chest.
I think at some point every single military wife grapples with the question, "is it worth it?".
While I try not to keep tally, it inevitably creeps in. Our two year anniversary is coming up next week. That's 24 months of martial bliss. Travis has spent one quarter of our marriage in Afghanistan. Almost three quarters of our marriage has been spent living apart, consumed by field exercises, training, and schooling. That leaves this grasping at straws feeling with me. Weeks where you try to ignore the constant coming and going, unpacking and repacking, and try to make the most out of the time you have together, which is easier said than done.
While we were at the VA marriage retreat, there was a couple there who had just finished their fourteenth deployment. Fourteen deployments in the Marine Corps is somewhere in the neighborhood of at least 100 months of just deployment time. One hundred months is over eight years. That doesn't include the many many weeks of field exercises and training to prepare for deployments. Is that worth it? Is missing countless holidays and birthdays worth it? Is being gone when you need each other most?
The yes or no answer may be in a gray area. But these are some things I do know. I know that we love each other. I know we are together purely by choice and sheer determination because it would be simpler if we weren't. I know that even with Travis gone a lot, he is worth it. I know that our marriage is a lot stronger than the people I am jealous of. When I am wishing I could just hold my husband's hand at Christmas, Thanksgiving, or during a birthday time like everybody else, I should remind myself that that moment in time is fleeting and quantity does not make up for quality.
I know we are freaking awesome together :) With Travis' next deployment speeding towards us, I should remind myself daily how lucky we both are to have each other.
On a lighter note, part of Travis' anniversary gift came in the mail today! I wish I could show you all but we still have a week to go!